


Spectral Scars

by LenoirWhittlethorn



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, PTSD Cullen, flirtation, innuendos, war vet AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5207255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenoirWhittlethorn/pseuds/LenoirWhittlethorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dragon Age: Inquisition Modern AU. It centers around the Lavellan/Rutherford romance route, alluding to major plot points along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Selena Lavellan only remembered a bright green flash and when her eyes adjusted, she was crawling in an alleyway, her left arm tucked against her chest. The pain was excruciating, as if her arm’s tendons were being torn apart one by one, but the fear pushed her to move. She had to get as far away as possible, but she didn’t know why. Yelling and screaming began flooding into her ears and soon bright lights shined in her face.

“Found another one and she seems to be in shock.” The officer spoke into his communicator and rushed to Selena’s side. “I have a Dalish female—” He went to pick up Selena from her elbows, but the moment he brushed her left arm, she screamed and fell backwards.

“She has a broken arm,” The officer’s partner stated and stepped back when Selena glared at him. “Sorry.”

“Can you walk?” The officer asked, emphasizing each word.

A snarky response was already on the tip of Selena’s tongue, but the pain was too much, so she only nodded. As she walked between the two officers, she looked up at the sky and saw a huge pillar of smoke, which had a weird green hue. To her relief, the officers were leading her away, towards a rescue squad vehicle. Now her arm had a dull ache when she sat down inside the vehicle that had other elves in it.

In the bright pale light, Selena looked at her left arm and gasped in horror. Her dark skin was heavily scarred, a mixture of burned tissue and deep cuts that gleamed green every now and then. The paramedics hopped into the back and began checking everyone quickly; they couldn’t be bothered with a group of knife-ears. By the time the two human medics got to Selena, they already seemed at their patience’s end and just glanced over her body.

“No one’s bleeding, let’s move out.” The male one knocked on the back of the door and the vehicle started up.

* * *

 

The hospital wasn’t any better, it felt more like a drive-thru clinic than sanctuary for the wounded. Selena was thrown into a small room, where the doctor barely looked up from her clipboard. She asked how bad the pain was and then demanded Selena to hold out her left arm. The doctor only touched the skin with her pen and while her brows furrowed, she only scribbled something and then rushed out. Selena almost sat down, but soon the doctor was back and she quickly slathered some cream on Selena’s arm. In a breath, the doctor finished wrapping the arm and handed Selena a small bottle and a slip of paper.

“Pick up the prescription at your nearest pharmacy, if the pain persists make an appointment, have a good night.” The doctor rushed the dialogue and left Selena standing dumbfounded in the room.

 

* * *

 

It had been months since that night, Selena pondered as she stared at the dull fluorescent lights of her workplace. She never went back to that hospital and didn’t need to as far as she was concerned. Her arm stopped aching horribly once she got out of the danger zone. Abandoning the idea of going back to her clan, Selena used what little money she had left and got an apartment in the town of Haven. To her utmost chagrin, Selena easily got the third shift job at a local 24 hour drugstore.

The lights flickered at 2:54am, like always and Selena sighed. Predictable and repetitious, much like her life, but she stopped herself from sinking into a gripe fest. The job worked well with her persistent insomnia and her boss never bothered to ask why she constantly wore long-sleeved shirts. She could do without the leering customers and constant cheesy, borderline racist pick up lines, but if worse came to worse, she always had her trusty daggers.

Her dark skin fascinated humans for some reason—their limited knowledge of elves had them assume that all were pale and frolicked in the woods. Selena would’ve loved to see her Keeper frolick. Having dark red hair furthered Selena’s “exoticness” and she lost count to how many times she was asked if “the carpet matched the drapes”. Even Selena’s pale yellow eyes weren’t safe as one woman said dreamily she would love to wear them around her neck. Only humans could say that and not be reprimanded.

Selena shook her head and gingerly rubbed her bandaged left arm. ‘I’m only valuable as an object of pleasure, otherwise I’m nothing but a knife ear to them.’ She thought bitterly.

All the customers never asked why her arm was bandaged or why she had deep scars on the right side of her face or the significance of the light blue blood writing on her entire face. Not even other elves took notice and sometimes that made Selena feel more isolated.

‘ _It’s better this way. Somehow._ ’ Selena heard police sirens go off in the distance and she tensed. ‘ _Have to lay low, save up enough money to get out of this area._ ’

It was strange, but Selena could never put her finger on why she needed to get far away. Why laying low was so important or why the news made her feel sick whenever they brought up the Conclave incident. The door’s bell chime startled Selena out of her stupor and she looked to see who it was.

A new, handsome face appeared and Selena held her breath. The human male scanned the store with weary eyes and Selena noted the disheveled, blonde hair. She tensed regardless of how attractive he appeared as he approached the counter. To her amusement, the man cleared his throat nervously and took a breath before speaking.

“Hello, I’m—I was told that this is a pharmacy?” The man’s accent easily gave it away that he was Ferelden born, but his tone was gentle.

“The pharmacy is in the back, actually.” Selena corrected and pointed towards the back of the store. She liked his eyes,not just the warm earthy color,but the fact that she felt almost comforted by his glance. They didn’t make much eye contact though, for some reason, he couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Oh, of course, if I just looked.” He grumbled as he saw the giant letters that spelled “Pharmacy”. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.” He apologized as a tint of pink spread on his face.

“Not a problem, Sir. It’s my job.” Selena smirked. ‘ _Cute and has manners. Wonder if I fell asleep in the break room again?_ ’

The blonde man visibly cringed and put a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it less disheveled. “No need for the ‘sir’, I get enough of that at my work.” He swept his gaze over Selena’s body, before settling on her face. “My name is Cullen, yours?”

Selena chuckled as she tapped her nametag and enjoyed seeing the man grow more flustered. “Hey, it is nearly dawn and well before coffee time.” She reassured with a grin.

“You’re obviously more put together than me.” Cullen smirked.

“Only because I’m used to being awake during these hours.” Selena responded.

Cullen nodded and silence settled between them; the type of silence that Selena knew when she would take morning walks in the woods. It was only awkward because this wasn’t a typical moment to happen in this setting. So she leaned on the counter and cleared her throat softly.

“Did you need anything else, Cullen?” Her tone came off lower than she expected and she blamed being alone for so long.

“Need?” Cullen jerked out of his daze and turned redder. “Right, sorry, Pharmacy.” He darted to the back of the store and Selena confirmed that the man was attractive at any angle.

‘ _There is a Maker._ ’ Selena put a hand over her mouth to hide her dumb grinning.

The few minutes that passed, Selena felt colder and she calmed herself down. Men like that were usually taken anyway and besides there was the whole issue of her being Dalish. She heard tales of heartbreak or worse from her fellow elf coworkers and she wasn’t going to even try remembering her bad breakups. Just be a passing face to him.

Cullen walked back up and Selena expected him to keep going towards the door, but he stopped. “Thank you, Selena, for your help. I hope your shift goes well.” He smiled warmly and waved before exiting the store.

Selena stood there, dumbfounded and soon dread began spilling into her chest. ‘ _His smile was so genuine and I never got a creeper vibe off of him. Too early to tell though._ ’ She rubbed her left arm and sighed. ‘ _Okay, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want him to come back._ ’ She shook her head.  

 

* * *

 

A couple of months passed and Cullen became a regular, often coming in after losing a battle with insomnia. Some nights, Selena was sure it was something else that kept Cullen up, but she knew it wasn’t her place. While they had become very good acquaintances, there was a barrier between them; a counter’s width. Sometimes Selena preferred it that way, other times, it was painful.

“So this organization wants to operate outside of the Chantry? Sounds like heresy to those that follow faithfully.” Selena mused while she scanned some razors, shaving cream, and aftershave for Cullen.

“At face value, yes it would appear that way, but that’s not what we’re about. Yes the Chantry has done well, but they’re stuck on a track that leads us nowhere. Sometimes, we have to step out from all the rules and guidelines because they become like bindings.” Cullen answered, his hands gesticulating his points.

Selena watched, completely mesmerized by the level of authority Cullen commanded. He was still in his business attire—a meeting lasted well past midnight—though he had unbuttoned his shirt and loosened his tie. She was thankful it was slow weeknight, because Cullen looked stressed and when she asked, he let it out full force.

Cullen caught her staring and sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, you were being polite by asking me how my day went. And I just ranted about a dreary business meeting.You could’ve told me to shut up.”

“I like hearing you talk. If you want to discuss about all the paperwork you have to file, I’m listening.” Selena gave him a lopsided smile as she finished bagging his items.

“Perhaps some other time.” Cullen murmured.

Selena couldn’t think of anything to say, so she turned her attention back to the register’s screen. Cullen used a card to pay, much to Selena’s relief because the idea of briefly touching him made her stomach flop. He almost spoke up, but his cell phone went off. Business. Selena could see the frustration on his face and she felt warmer after they said brief goodbyes. 


	2. Chapter 2

The bell rang and Selena smirked as she saw her favorite customer walk into the florescent lit store. Cullen was a regular, due to the pharmacy in the back and a welcomed one. He was one of the few men that gave her an honest smile; most men leered at her or constantly spewed out advances with slimy grins.

It was 4am, but Selena knew by now that Cullen had insomnia. She never slept well either, after the accident. Her left hand still ached every now and then. Cullen passed her and nodded.

“Morning,” The blonde mumbled and headed towards the freezer section. 

Selena chuckled as she watched Cullen shuffle onwards. He was wearing a black tshirt with a v-neck and gray sweatpants. Even with slight bedhead, Cullen still looked attractive and Selena was grateful her co-worker was on break and there were no other customers around.

Cullen came back with three pints of ice cream, all different flavors.

Selena couldn’t resist teasing the ex-Templar. “Bad breakup?” She smiled as Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Yes, with my bed.” He grumbled and put a hand through his hair.

“Well, you can’t just jump right in between her sheets. Warm her up a bit first.” Selena teased.

The result was so pleasing, Selena wished she could record it. This grown man, a war vet, sputtered while his face and neck reddened as if he were some choir boy fresh from the Chantry. It was cute and Selena laughed until she snorted, which made Cullen chuckle.

“Seems I’m out of practice.” Cullen muttered.

Now this was a little different from other interactions and Selena stayed quiet for a while as she scanned the items. She had to be careful going too far with the innuendo, but looking at Cullen’s pink cheeks made it too tempting.

“I thought Templars took vows of celibacy?” Selena kept her voice low and her head lower.

Maybe that was too strong, after all, they’ve only known each other in the public setting for a few months and while the innuendo could be dismissed, Selena might of accidentally went for the jugular. Oh well, it was a nice distraction—

“I never took a vow of celibacy.” Cullen stammered a little and coughed. “It wasn’t a requirement, though the most dedicated would.”

Selena felt herself get warm and she cursed silently. “I see.” She bit her inner cheek and kept her focus on bagging the three pints of ice cream.

“I think you insulated my ice cream enough, Selena.” Cullen said in a tone that made Selena’s spine tingle.

“Huh?” Selena looked at Cullen and saw him smiling. She saw her handiwork, she quintuple bagged the ice cream. “Oh, Maker’s breath, I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.” She hissed as she went to correct her mistake.

With a swift motion, Cullen grabbed the bag and had it out of Selena’s reach. “It’s fine, I was running low anyway.”

They made eye contact and Selena felt something that unnerved her; it wasn’t something she felt before. It was as if she was being pulled towards him too. Her ears were on fire and she was grateful her skin was dark enough to hide her blushing. She broke eye contact and hid a little behind the register screen.

“It’s four dollars and ninety-eight cents.” Selena stated a little higher than usual and she cringed inwardly.

When Cullen handed her the five dollars, their hands brushed against each other and Selena held her breath. She quickly grabbed the change and placed it in Cullen’s hand, but in that moment, he gently kept her hand in his. The usually cold fluorescent light seemed to warm up and Selena looked up at Cullen.

“It’s okay, Selena, I’m not mad. Quite the opposite.” Cullen muttered low enough for only Selena to hear and then he let her hand hang there. “See you later.”

“See you later.” Selena mumbled and watched Cullen leave.

The blonde ran into the glass pane rather than the glass door, however, causing Selena to snort. Cullen shook his head, a deep crimson rising on the back of his neck, and went through the door, muttering something to himself that Selena couldn’t hear. She only had an hour left in her shift, but it went fast. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of her favorite customer.

 

* * *

 

It was certainly much later until Selena saw Cullen enter the store again, at least two weeks had passed. She even watched the news, knowing that the organization Cullen worked for—the Inquisition—would be one of the top headlines. It seemed that difficult times were ahead for the Inquisition, which probably meant long work days, but there was something else that bothered Selena. Cullen hadn’t picked up his medicine.

Selena was waiting for an elderly woman to count out exact change for the order’s total, when Cullen walked in. He looked awful. While Selena greeted him, she didn’t even get acknowledgment and she visibly recoiled. She turned her attention back to the elderly woman, ignoring the sharp sting in her chest.

It was early in her shift, around 11pm, and there were some stragglers in the store besides Cullen. ‘ _Everyone has a bad day, even princes._ ’ Selena snorted softly to herself and waved goodbye to the elderly woman. A line formed not too long after and even with her coworker manning the second register, the customers were being a pill enough to make progress slow. There was still no sign of Cullen, even as the rush faded to nothing. Her coworker retreated to the break room to nap and it was only nearing midnight.

‘ _Don’t tell me he’s avoiding me._ ’ Selena thought, but a loud crash had her abandoning her thoughts.

Selena rushed over to the aisle of canned goods and saw Cullen on the floor, his eyes wide and wild. “Cullen, are you alright?” She rushed over to him, but he yelled out in panic.

“The voices, you hear them too, right? It’s happening again, oh Maker, when will they be silent?” Cullen raved and he grabbed Selena’s left arm.

“Cullen, I’m going to call for an ambulance—” She gasped sharply when he squeezed her arm tighter.

“They’re no help.” Cullen snarled.

Selena stared at Cullen, her brow furrowing. “Fine, but you’re going to let go. _Now_.” She growled fiercely.

She watched as Cullen’s pupils retracted and he appeared to be more aware of his surroundings. As his tense grip lessened, so did Selena’s scowl; they both released deep sighs.

“I,” Cullen removed his hand from Selena’s arm and he scooted back a little. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean—of all the places—” He shoved his face in his hands and groaned.

Selena stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. “Cullen, I’m walking you home. No objections.” She said firmly. ‘ _He looks deathly pale. I should’ve known._ ’ She helped up Cullen and he had a hard time coordinating his legs. ‘ _He’s shaken to the core; what type of condition does he have?_ ’

“I’m so sorry.” Cullen muttered as he stumbled against Selena.

“It’s okay to lean on me.” Selena reassured and slung his left arm around her shoulders. She heard a sound come out of Cullen’s throat, as if he was struggling not to cry.

The coworker stepped out just as Selena and Cullen staggered towards the door. “What happened?” She yawned.

“Drunk bastard here needs an escort. Sorry Wicha, I’ll explain everything to the boss tomorrow morning.” Selena quickly explained as she tried holding up Cullen.

“Hey, ‘bout time you got a piece, Sel. Tell me all about it later.” Wicha winked and leaned against the counter so she could continue her nap.

The night air carried a wintery chill even though it was barely mid-autumn, but with Cullen’s body so close, the bite wasn’t so bad. They trekked in silence for a while, until Selena was at a four-way stop. She gently asked Cullen for directions, which he rasped in compliance. A few late night walkers passed, but most gave mischievous smirks if anything.

‘ _Yeah, what a pair, a handsome, disheveled businessman leaning against a much smaller elf woman who smells of hand sanitizer._ ’ Selena adjusted the prescription bag in her left hand and stopped in front of an apartment complex. “This the place, Cullen?” She looked at his profile and noted the five o’clock shadow.

“Yes, look, if you want to leave me here—” Cullen straightened up and tentatively walked couple steps.

“No. Not until you’re in your apartment, at least.” Selena stood next to him and met his stare.

“Fine, but then you head back.” His voice was hoarse and weary.

Seeing him so haggard and exhausted did make Selena’s heart ache. She put her hands on her hips and smirked. “Wow, this is the first time a man has told me to stay out of his apartment.” She teased.

Cullen didn’t bite, rather his eyes filled with more sadness. “It’s for the best.” He answered dryly and entered the building.

‘ _And the award to best in tact goes to Selena Lavellan._ ’ Selena almost smacked herself, but she quickly followed Cullen into the nearest elevator instead.   
  


* * *

 

Questions buzzed in Selena’s mind, but she kept her mouth shut. She was concerned about Cullen’s state of mind, he used to be a Templar, after all. But she didn’t believe she stood in the right position to ask about those sort of things. To her dismay, they were already standing in front of an apartment door. If anything, she could try to be reassuring, instead of stupidly flirting. Cullen was unlocking his door, when he surprised Selena by speaking up first.

“Would you like something to drink?” Cullen kept his face neutral, though his eyes had a bit of warmth to them.

“Sure, though I think you’ve had enough drink for the night.” Selena couldn’t help giving a somewhat playful response, but this time she was rewarded with a snort.

“Right, I’m the ‘drunk bastard’.” He allowed Selena to step into the apartment first before he entered and shut the door behind them.

Selena cringed. “Sorry, first thing that came to mind.” She immediately realized how clean Cullen’s apartment was and suddenly felt she was being invasive.

“Follow me.” Cullen led Selena down the short corridor and turned left.

The kitchen was pristine and anything metallic gleamed; it felt like a showroom. Selena’s apartment was a closet compared to this, but she knew that Cullen could easily have lived in a better part of Haven. This was standard. Selena placed the prescription bag on the marble counter as Cullen assessed what he had.

“I have cola, tea, milk, and coffee.” Cullen listed and turned towards Selena.

“Hot tea sounds lovely.” Selena smirked, but wrapped her arms around herself. ‘ _This is definitely a strange night._ ’

“Chamomile, green, or black tea?”

“Black, please.”

Within moments, Cullen had his single cup brewing machine chugging along and the two of them stood by each other, watching the steam rising. “Selena, I am sorry you had to witness that.” Cullen spoke so softly that Selena had to lean in a little.

“Forget about it, I’m more worried about you. Maybe you should take whatever’s in that bag now.” Selena suggested gently.

Cullen nodded and glanced at Selena’s left arm. “Does it hurt a lot?”

Selena stepped back. “Hey, don’t make this about me. It’s fine.”

“I had no right to grab you like that, I’m sorry.” His voice sounded so wounded.

Selena looked at the clean, white tiled floor, her chest aching. No one ever apologized so fervently before; especially after touching her without asking. The last boyfriend she had was too possessive and grabby for her liking. It was honestly why she avoided the dating circuit and parties. Yet here was a Ferelden man apologizing for a grab that was more of a fear reflex than an advance.

The Maker had a sense of humor.

‘ _He’s not going to stop apologizing, until I give him some irrefutable reassurance._ ’ Selena thought and she looked up at the tormented blonde. ‘ _Not like I haven’t thought about it before anyway._ ’

She inhaled deeply and stepped closer to Cullen. “The only thing you deserve tonight is this.” She wrapped her arms around Cullen and gently squeezed.

‘ _Just a brief hug, Selena, don’t be greedy, even if he feels nice._ ’ Selena started to pull away, but she felt Cullen wrap his arms around her.

The brewing machine spat out puffs of steams as it finished the cup of tea, but Selena was occupied with the humidity washing over her neck from Cullen’s strained breathing. She could hear his heartbeat rapidly thumping and her gut somersaulted. When he spoke up, she began feeling feverish.

“I don’t even deserve this,” Cullen murmured against Selena’s skin. “It’s too much.” He said huskily.

‘ _Sweet Andraste._ ’ Selena waited for his mouth to latch onto her neck, but instead she began feeling his full weight. ‘ _Oh no. I knew he was too pale._ ’

After some maneuvering, Selena confirmed that Cullen had indeed passed out. It took a good twenty minutes for Selena to carry Cullen to his bedroom. She rolled her shoulders, knowing she’d be feeling sore for a while. A small part of her was disappointed, but overall she was relieved it didn’t escalate. It was too soon and there were going to be many things they’d have to discuss. As Selena headed back towards the kitchen, she rubbed her neck where Cullen was so close. A smile spread on her face; at least she knew that Cullen was somewhat attracted to her. 


End file.
